Closer.

Just keeps getting closer and closer.

Until it just gives out on you.

Never fails to let me down.

-A

Epiphany.

P.K.'s + M.J. makes for a good day. Haha or night.

Conference is rolling through quickly.

I'm excited for all the first timers.

Kinda wish I was celebrating the birthday with the family though.

-A

Coping Mechanisms.

Not 1, not 2, not 3, not 4, not 5, but 6.

Daym. You think someone would learn how to keep a friend by then.

Growing up, I saw a lot of men come ruin my mom.

Whether it was trying to gain citizenship or just using her for her money.

As years passed, i couldn't look at my mom the same. I kept her at a distance because i couldn't see her make the same mistake over, and over.

I'm not going to list a bunch of bullshit excuses to allude back to the story, or convey false reasonings about why keeping friends never really worked in my favor.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that sometimes, somethings are too good to be true. You wonder why some people can come around and be the kindest, most respectful persons and befriend me out of all people; after doing so much wrong in the world.

After a 2 year stint of barely any communication with my mom, she came to me with a very interesting thought.

"Alan, I've been raped. I had a child at 16 years old. I wasn't able to live the life i wanted. The people I wanted in my life, I tried my hardest to keep them there. You need to learn how to keep someone. People are going to come along and change you're entire life. If someone that special was brought to you, then cherish it"

I guess I have a lot to learn mom. But in time...I'll make you proud.

-A

It gets difficult.

It gets difficult when you're on your own up here.

Yeah, there are a few you can go to but it just doesn't feel secure enough.

I wish I had that support system I did last year.

-A

In Moderation...

In time, I'll remember.

How much fun we had.

The way you made me laugh.

And the way you made me so carefree.

But for now?...It's hard.

I'll be waiting.

-A