Hmm.

I think that possibly, maybe, I'm falling for you.

Guess there's a chance that I've fallen quite hard over you.

-A

Closer.

Just keeps getting closer and closer.

Until it just gives out on you.

Never fails to let me down.

-A

Epiphany.

P.K.'s + M.J. makes for a good day. Haha or night.

Conference is rolling through quickly.

I'm excited for all the first timers.

Kinda wish I was celebrating the birthday with the family though.

-A

Coping Mechanisms.

Not 1, not 2, not 3, not 4, not 5, but 6.

Daym. You think someone would learn how to keep a friend by then.

Growing up, I saw a lot of men come ruin my mom.

Whether it was trying to gain citizenship or just using her for her money.

As years passed, i couldn't look at my mom the same. I kept her at a distance because i couldn't see her make the same mistake over, and over.

I'm not going to list a bunch of bullshit excuses to allude back to the story, or convey false reasonings about why keeping friends never really worked in my favor.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that sometimes, somethings are too good to be true. You wonder why some people can come around and be the kindest, most respectful persons and befriend me out of all people; after doing so much wrong in the world.

After a 2 year stint of barely any communication with my mom, she came to me with a very interesting thought.

"Alan, I've been raped. I had a child at 16 years old. I wasn't able to live the life i wanted. The people I wanted in my life, I tried my hardest to keep them there. You need to learn how to keep someone. People are going to come along and change you're entire life. If someone that special was brought to you, then cherish it"

I guess I have a lot to learn mom. But in time...I'll make you proud.

-A

It gets difficult.

It gets difficult when you're on your own up here.

Yeah, there are a few you can go to but it just doesn't feel secure enough.

I wish I had that support system I did last year.

-A

In Moderation...

In time, I'll remember.

How much fun we had.

The way you made me laugh.

And the way you made me so carefree.

But for now?...It's hard.

I'll be waiting.

-A

....

I thought you weren't a high five person.

Just talk to me.

Bright.

By the way the first few days have gone...it looks like this is going to be a quarter to remember.

No worries of waking up early.

No stress from problems with friends.

No more buggin out over girls lol.

Just a clean slate and nice weather.

-A

Hearing from you just isn't the same anymore.

I wish i could say otherwise.

-A

Yadig.

Spring Quarter once again...

Last year spring was quite the eventful quarter.

Got closer with some drifted further with others.

But all in all (wow what a disgusting phrase, all in all) it was dope.

But this year.

I don't know...I think it's going to give last spring a run for its money. I don't feel the need to hang out with a 'required' set of people every week. Just beating to the sound of my own drum (wtf alan, trite expressions up the ass haha)

On the topic of baking?? haha i thought i would never use that term ever again...but on the topic of baking, it looks quite inevitable haha.

Josh asked me if I've talked to Ryan lately. I said unfortunately no. Real talk though, sucks that shit happened the way it did. I made a lot of poor decision, and lost a really good friend out of it. I'm not going to say in any way that it was mutually our faults, cuz cmon I pretty much fucked all of that up. I guess I'll take what i can get though. At least we are both civil enough to say hi when we see each other.

Getting back on that level with Preeya. It feels hella dope, I've missed that girl. Glad she's back to texting me random shit and hitting me up to kick it. There's less than a handful these days that do that...but it's a good 'less than a handful' lol.

Tis all

-A

It's Good.

Everything.

I am at a place where I'm at a good level with everything and everyone.

Not too close, not too distant. Perfection.

I'm happy to not be so dependent on certain people, and I'm not bugging that i don't see a handful of people everyday.

Carelessness in a positive connotation.

Convoluted.

Optimism has it's boundaries.

There are certain are certain circumstances where you just have to let them be.

Stop being so persistent.

If they really want to be there with/for you...they'll be there.

Hopefully.

-Alan

...

Live Up to Your Potential.

It's time to let go of your fantasies.

-Alan